What I Have Become

Its a new year! Yippee! I know its a little too late to write about this, but sometimes I like to take time to keep track of what I am becoming as my crappy excuse for a meaningful existence that I call life progresses through puberty and all the bullshit related to it.

Let me take this time with the hope of wasting yours to elaborate the things I am pretty proud of last year
-I joined a sport I loved(TAEKWONDO)
-Am proud to say that I have lived a year of decency that's right. No more drinking nights out going home late and making up excuses for it.
-Got rid of all the bad company that becomes the reason why I cant stop doing the latter in the first place. Yeah that's right you can all suck the effin dirt cause I don't have time for your bullshit anymore , cut the crap effin psychos and lick the dust of my shoes that's all your worth in the long run ^_^.
- I've made a lot of new friends from different circles and have been continuing up till now in a pace that I can cope with.
-Lost weight(HONESTLY) o.O the transition is like from 95-67 kilos eff! lolz pakapal mode ^_^
- Oh and finally I took my religion seriously. Yeah the lord gives what we need all we have to do is love him in return. I even joined this christian crusade thing in school and admit I have come to enjoy it. ^_^

I guess I changed. For the better? I don't know I can't say there are somethings I wish I can get back somethings I changed that are still causing turmoil inside me like an addict under withdrawal, but the year is fresh the future is bright and God my friends and my family stand beside me and together I am or WE are rather unbreakable ^_^

One third less the man I used to be

I've always put a priority number on the people in my life. 1/3rd its a little recipe I had to make my life going like a cake needs a definite ratio and proportion to make it taste delicious. I maintain a balance in mine to keep personality at bay or in a sense maintain my sanity. My recipe goes like this

1/3rd of my time I give to my faith in God and in his love in my life
1/3rd I devote to my family and to my friends
and the last 1/3rd goes to her. The girl I forgot and remembered the stranger who I knew inside and out.

The last fraction of my life is gone now. As of the moment I am an unfinished cake for my ingredients aren't complete anymore
This Christmas

There is a dark cloud in every silver lining

Yeah I'm not gonna write about butterflies and sunshine. I rarely do that I'd have to be pretty high or pretty drunk or both :D. Yesterday was our batches last day as a batch this 2010 sigh. Memories are beginning to hurt me again reminiscence is a curse tsk. Now before I start moping from an obvious past event that I wont mention here. Let me start talking about my title. Sure we were all happy from the activities. The amazing race the pinoy henyo and especially the exchange gifts. Who wouldn't love that right? But everything is fun and games until the remaining of my kappa buddies played kappa style truth or dare. A game we love and fear for there were past dares we'd rather not talk about. Now one of our friends has this girlfriend and well they joined as a couple and in the end our friend was asked to tell the truth to the question.  "We know that you like this girl and, We know that you have a girl friend, but if ever you had the chance to get the girl you loved previously,will you dump your current?" Our friend answered,"Yes but I'll make it less painful for my current girlfriend." His girlfriend burst into tears and when she was online the night after she poured it all out to me.Me and the guys previous love interest happen to be very close in fact I even told her that she was the reason for the schism and told her as of the moment not to intervene because Hervi and our friends girlfriend was still talking it out, In the heat of the conversation Hervi said that its better if you talked this out with the girl he still loves and in that moment I told girl number 2 to intervene but pretend to know nothing, and so the arrival of the third party caused a dramatic shift in the conversation and girl number 2 eventually confessed she knew all along and we ended up talking to the girl if he would still keep him. A question that until now she hasn't answered yet but promised that her answer arrives before this year ends. Just when I thought the struggle was over and the controversies silenced it was about 12 midnight. Margarette pops in claiming to have some problem and holy shit the worse was just about to come when I found out that his relationship with his almost 2 year boyfriend was almost over. Yeah she was all stressed out so their we talked and she poured it all out and. Damn I was really pissed when her boyfriend told her the only reason why they were still together was only out of pity. Shit if he ended it sooner why the hell did he even make him suffer that long? Damn
Well Marge wasn't able to sleep yet but I had to sleep ahead of her damn it was already 2 am 0_o. It has been one hell of a day but at least it was worth it knowing I helped two dear friends of mine... The said events have really led me to believe that in this earth the balance is maintained between happiness and sadness for you can never be to happy and you can never be to sad. Everything must be in equilibrium

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Hey its me again. It 2 am and I'm awake. I had a bad dream woke me up left me curling on the side of the bed feeling like shit and because of the cold this December. I hate it. I feel like a child waking up from a nightmare where a monster was chasing him but instead of pissing my pants. I wake up with a heavy heart and a sudden mood swing followed by a bout of depression. Damn sometimes I ask myself why do I even give a crap?

They say that dreams are wishes your heart makes. Whenever you are asleep, but what the hell is this? Damn you Pinocchio and that stupid fairy God mother of yours. I'd never imagine myself wishing for something like this ever!

I am frustrated I am depressed I am me

This might as well be another about me entry but nevertheless. I am still writing it.

You guys ever had that day when you get so frustrated over something so bad that it ruins one of the best once in a lifetime opportunities you'll ever have in your life. Well sure as punches hurt like hell I've been through it. Today was our batches first field trip. The first field trip we had in our history of being high school students, but as usual. Wild radicals always intervene to mess up my day. Damn I hate it mood swings make me feel like shit causing unbearably painful mental pain. Making me one hell of a sadistic masochistic sober pained agonized frustrated depressed retarded uncaring unsympathetic carelessly hateful asshole. Its like that everyday recently. Then tomorrow I'd feel like a bouncing ball of sunshine again then the next day the same again. It's a cycle it pisses me off. Maybe one day it will lead to suicidal tendencies but till that day comes. I'm better off hurting myself or others...

Rekindling former acquaintances

There's this friend of mine. Lets put it as a long lost acquaintance. This person and me had a long disagreement a few months ago and we only started talking so recently. Sometimes I wonder what the hell was it that we fought about that was able to separate us though. Times have really changed I guess even people do, but every conversation we've been having makes me feel like. Everything was like yesterday. With a face that makes me regret the past be thankful for the present and leaves me longing for the future. That person will always be a mystery for me 0_o. I guess its hard to forget someone you've spent so long a period of your life with whom you've grown so  accustomed to . A kindred spirit I guess ^_^.

Reminiscence will always be my enemy and compassion its partner. With every passing conversation I feel as if bit-by-bit we are picking up what we left off because of some pointless argument. That was bullshit compared to our friendship. Sometimes. Well most of the time I go to sleep thankful to God for making his presence felt in these kind of situations, because after a long  long while my heart is finally at peace ^_^

Defeat Begets Victory.

It was one hell of a day today. A roller coaster ride of emotions, as I was there at Gaisano. To watch this years integrated meet and support my Taekwondo buddies. Everything there was fierce everyone in their was strong, The slam of the feet and the bang of armor. The shouts of pain and victory mixed together in a sadistically beautiful symphony of victory and defeat. A lot of us watched but no one finished the game until the end except me and Treyes. Me because I love my Tkd family and I know that they've been working their asses of this one and I wanted to see how this has affected both physically and mentally. Treyes was there because I know he wont miss the chance to support Paoline in her big day of of ass kicking. Lo and behold because of his presence the city schools got a silver medal care of Paoline Teodosio. Seeing my friends and TKD buddies winning makes me so happy. I left the place inspired and aching to practice my arse off ^_^. I'll have to say though she wont admit it Paoline has improved. Considering that on her first integrated game she lost at her first fight. Now she even garnered silver in her division. Or maybe its jut because a certain dork was their ti support his Ms. Happy crappy :p. I hope the rest of us can be like this. Next year longs for promise for the rest of us . ^_^